Thoughts on Racing
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I’ve been avoiding this post for a while now. After Coast to Coast 2022 I was feeling disappointed and unsure of myself. I had DNF’ed and was feeling like perhaps I was basing too much of my self-worth on my sporting achievements.
Self-Worth
It should be clear to both you and I that self-worth is not based on personal wealth, sporting achievements, fame, or anything else like that. My self-worth should be based on my personal ethics and how well I execute them. It should be based on the quality of my character. Understanding that is easy, believing it on the day-to-day is much harder, and I have a hard time remembering it. I find it very easy for my brain to slip into a viscious cycle with these sorts of feelings.
Control
Part of why I was unsuccessful in Coast to Coast 2022 was the change in course due to adverse weather conditions. Could I control the weather and the course change? Absolutely not. Could I control the on-the-day river, wind and rain conditions? Absolutely not. Could I control the performance of other athletes? Absolutely not.
So, what could I control? I could control my own training. Did I train to be able to complete the normal course? Yes, and I was on track to complete it, too. I was a little close to the cut-off, but I was going to make it. For that, I should be proud. I turned up on the day and gave it my best effort, I went out there and tried. I tried even when it seemed futile on the last bike ride.
Responsibilities
Since my first attempt at Coast I have got a long term partner, bought a house and rescued a dog. My day now looks quite different to when I first started training and could spend all my free time training, eating and napping on the couch. It’s not a bad change, but it is definitely a change that needs appreciating.
I have not always done good at navigating these new responsibilities, but thankfully my partner has been foriving and tells me when there is room for improvement.
Fun?
I first got the idea of doing Coast because sport is (was?) fun. I enjoyed being outside doing pretty much anything, so why not focus it a little and do a really cool event?
I the intervening years I strove to do high quality training (and mostly failed), but set myself daily, weekly and monthly goals. In the end it feels like this has ruined the fun, to the point where I find very little fun exercise these days.
It is, I think, time to re-find the fun. To do stuff that I find interesting, exciting and takes me to cool places. That may involve doing fun events, but I should try and stay away from events which require concerted event-specific training. I should stick to capcity training – training which improves my overall base fitness. That kind of exercise is easier to keep fun!
Mentoring Others
At work I take a group of students trail running each week - this is something I really enjoy. I take them new places every week and get to see them grow in their fitness and confidence. As we head towards 2023 I might look at creating a Coast to Coast training group at school; there are a lot of students that are into adventure racing who would be stoked to being training for such an adventure. Things to ponder..
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I’ll check back later in the year and see if I have re-found the fun.